My Cupcake Journey

My cupcake journey starts in Hot Springs, Arkansas. After 13 years of marriage, I found myself a single mom. I was recruited to Hot Springs, Arkansas. There, I tried to raise my children in an unfamiliar environment, knowing no one. At times, I didn't know how I would keep a roof over our head, much less, how would I feed these precious babies?

My son, Ryan, was my middle child and my only son. He never gave me one second of worry. In my entire life, he has been the only male to always have my back, even as a child.

Ryan left me November 2022. I came home from work on a late Sunday night. He was waiting up late for me. It was the Sunday after Thanksgiving and I asked him why he did not go to his dad's. He weakly explained that it was raining, etc. And he had the chicken and dressing I had left in the crockpot. I quickly apologized burning it, but in Ryan fashion, he said, "i ate it." We chatted for a while, and then he gave me a side hug, saying, "I love you, Ma." I said, "I love you too, Ryan." Those were the last words my only son ever said to me before his baby sister found him.

I screamed out in pain and recoiled in silence. I have lived this devastating journey alone, praying for peace. There were times i never wanted to wake up again in this pain. Then, less than a year after my son passed, my kitchen flooded. Wow. OMG. Is it never enough?

My kitchen was destroyed; the last place Ryan and I would meet; the last place he hugged and spoke to me. Destroyed and nonfunctional. It took me 17 months to have a functioning kitchen again. I worked 3 jobs at times to afford the kitchen Ryan deserved. He did cook more than i did. And the last words he said to me were in this space.

In January 2025, my kitchen was finally functional and put back together. I had never had such an awesome place to cook. It changed me.

Side note: My entire life, i was overweight, obese. Ryan was to drive me to bariatric surgery. He passed about three weeks before. I had to beg for a ride. I refused to tell my surgeon. I had no one to take me home from surgery except a former coworker, from years ago. That surgery changed my life.

There were times after Ryan passed that I did not want to go on. I was alone in a world with no one. In those times, I tried to find something, anything, to hold on to. Dr. Kristen Patton changed my life. She was my tiny, young bariatric surgeon. I asked her once, "What is it like to wake up every day knowing you're changing lives? Because you changed mine." As all great life changers do, almost not grasping the hope and change they spark in others, she thanked me. No, Dr. Patton. Thank YOU.

In January 2025, I started cooking. I had never had such a beautiful place to cook! I hung Ryan's apron on the new oven handle. He is with me every day. Ironically, I have cooked more since my surgery than I ever did before!

I cooked cheese dip, Dorito casserole, meatloaf--anything I could thing! But what in the world could I do with all this food? I had lost more weight than I weighed! I thought of Ryan and how so many people had said that he was their best friend. I knew Ryan's best friends. They grew up in my basement. But apparently Ryan had the gift of making others feel like he was their best friend. I decided that I wanted to live like Ryan.

I started taking my food to work and trying to give it away. I felt SO awkward! What kind of crazy

woman gives food away?!

At some point, I met a single mom of three at work. I asked her if she would do me a favor because I had a new kitchen and no one to take the food I cooked trying it out. She kindly agreed to take the food home to her three children. The joy in her face sustained me. After that, no holds barred! I would cook whatever I could think of: ham, roast beef, whatever. At some point, I stumbled upon a southern recipe for hummingbird cake. I made it. It was awesome. I took it to work. I thought it would be so much easier to share cupcakes instead of cutting a cake. Maybe I was onto something.

Since then, I have changed jobs (after 22 years) and started traveling. I started taking cupcakes to break the ice and, more importantly to me, honor Ryan.